S2 | EP1 & 3: Starting My Unexpected Alcohol-Free Journey

In 2022, I took a trip back in time to the birth of The Soul's Work Podcast. My intention was to review all of my Season 1 episodes to see if any of my perspectives had changed four years later. Ultimately, I decided to archive most of those episodes and post my reflections on them on my blog (you can read those starting here: "S1 | EP1: The Birth of The Soul's Work Podcast"). 

Now, in 2025, I'm ready to do the same for Season 2, which launched in May 2020. Some of those episodes will stay published, while others will get archived.

Removing episodes isn't a decision I take lightly, and once upon a time I thought I never would as a way of preserving my journey as is. But for various reasons, I no longer feel that desire or self-pressure to do so. I'm glad to have these blog post reflections to capture the important parts of any episodes I remove from the podcast. And I also trust that any archived content I want to share in more detail will get integrated into future episodes.

All right, here we go ...

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This is my take on Season 2, Episode 1 (which I've archived) and Episode 3 (listen here) over five years later. I'm combining these two episodes here because they were both about the start of my journey going alcohol free. 

Episode 1 was a short introduction to Season 2. In it, I shared that I had ended my first season feeling like I needed to go do the work versus share about the work. I had started deep-diving into a lot of tough, oftentimes painful inner work. It was the first time I really learned about trauma and my attachment wounds. My body often felt overwhelmed trying to process all the things that came up for me. It was also when I started working with an incredible trauma therapist and experienced a ton of growth.

Almost two years later, I felt ready to share about some of the life-changing things I had experienced. It was also the start of the COVID-19 pandemic and, unexpectedly, the beginning of my path to becoming alcohol free.

In Episode 1, I shared a snapshot of my journey with drinking alcohol: In my late teens to my mid-20s, I had become quite dependent on alcohol – including going through the cycle of building tolerance, experiencing cravings, and suffering from withdrawal. At the time, I knew I couldn't fully control my drinking and wished I could stop, but it had become my go-to protective response to dealing with the stress and pain I often felt. 

In my mid-20s, many things in my life started turning around, including drinking less. On the surface, my drinking maybe seemed less problematic overall. But I would still time and time again find myself caving in to the usual triggers that brought up an overwhelming urge to drink, or not being able to stop at one drink when I said I would. 

One night, at the start of the pandemic, I was overcome with anxiety, stress, and loneliness from my work situation at the time and the uncertainty and isolation of lockdown. Overwhelmed, I drank and drank until about 2 in the morning, crying on the phone with a friend. I woke up the next day knowing I needed to take a moment to really understand my current relationship with alcohol.

Shortly thereafter, I decided to take a pause with my drinking. I knew it would backfire to say that I'd never drink again (goodness knows how many times I had said that and failed). But maybe I could slow down enough to reflect and learn so that if I were to have a next drink, it would be coming from a more intentional place. 

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Listening to Episodes 1 and 3 now, I feel a lot of awe for the me back then. In Episode 3, I shared that I was 31 days alcohol free. It felt like such a huge accomplishment at the time, and gave me hope that maybe it was possible to keep going in my journey to free myself from that dependency.

In that episode, I also shared about some of my learnings on the neuroscience of addiction – truly fascinating stuff! On one hand, 

I've been doing a ton of education, listening to a lot of podcasts, learning about the neuroscience of addiction, doing an online course called the This Naked Mind Intensive – like, all the things. And it's been very, very empowering on one hand, because I’ve really been examining the beliefs that I’ve carried in my subconscious about alcohol for years, like how I can't live without it, and how life isn't going to be as enjoyable without it, that alcohol relieves me of feelings of anxiety or loneliness. 

And now I am really for the first time deeply challenging those beliefs, but doing so in a way that it's addressing them at the subconscious level. Because you can only fight subconscious beliefs with rational thinking for so long. It isn't sustainable. 

Of course, there was much more to 

Today, I am five-and-a-half years alcohol free.

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I haven’t been able to find one podcast led by a host identifying as Asian speaking on the specific topic of alcohol or drug dependency, addiction

And trust me, that lack of public discussion is not due to there being a lack of problematic drinking within Asian cultures. So I really wanted to contribute my voice to the discussion. And it is important ... and it's not to say that the things that are being put out there aren't useful as well, they certainly are and have been absolutely instrumental in guiding me in this journey thus far. But also, it's important to see people who look like you kind of sharing their life experiences as well.