S2 | EP1 & 3: Starting My Unexpected Alcohol-Free Journey

In 2022, I took a trip back in time to the birth of The Soul's Work Podcast. My intention was to review all of my Season 1 episodes to see if any of my perspectives had changed four years later.

Ultimately, I decided to archive most of those episodes and post my reflections on them (you can read those starting here: "S1 | EP1: The Birth of The Soul's Work Podcast"). 

Now, in 2025, I'm ready to do the same for Season 2, which launched five-and-a-half years ago (in May 2020). Some of those episodes will stay published, while others will get archived.

Removing episodes isn't a decision I take lightly, and once upon a time I thought I never would as a way of preserving my journey as is. But for various reasons, I no longer feel that desire or self-pressure to do so.

I'm glad to have these blog post reflections to capture the important parts of any episodes I remove from the podcast. And I also trust that any archived content I want to share in more detail will get integrated into future episodes.

All right, here we go ...

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This is my five-years-later take on Season 2, Episode 1 (which I've archived) and Episode 3 (listen here). I'm combining these episodes because they were both about the start of my journey going alcohol free. 

Episode 1 was a short introduction to Season 2. In it, I shared that I had ended my first season feeling like I needed to go do the work versus share about the work. I had started deep-diving into a lot of tough, oftentimes painful inner work. It was also when I started working with an incredible trauma therapist and experienced a ton of growth.

Almost two years later, I felt ready to share about some of the life-changing things I had experienced. It was also the start of the COVID-19 pandemic and, unexpectedly, the beginning of my path to becoming alcohol free.

In Episode 1, I shared a snapshot of my journey with drinking alcohol: In my late teens to my mid-20s, I had become quite dependent on alcohol – including going through the addiction cycle of building tolerance, experiencing cravings, and suffering from withdrawal.

At the time, I knew I couldn't fully control my drinking and wished I could stop, but it had become my go-to protective response to deal with the stress and pain I often felt. 

In my mid-20s, many things in my life started turning around, including drinking less. On the surface, my drinking seemed less problematic. But I would still time and time again find myself caving in to the usual triggers that brought up an overwhelming urge to drink, or not being able to stop at one drink when I said I would. 

"Even more recently, I’ve had to avoid watching certain shows on TV where I knew the characters are always drinking wine or scotch ... because I’m afraid it will trigger me to want to drink."

One night, at the start of the pandemic, I was overcome with anxiety, stress and loneliness from my work situation and the uncertainty and isolation of lockdown. Overwhelmed, I drank and drank until 2 in the morning, crying on the phone with a friend. I woke up the next day knowing I needed to take a moment to really understand my current relationship with alcohol.

Shortly thereafter, I decided to take a pause with my drinking. I knew it would backfire to say that I'd never drink again (lord knows how many times I had said that and failed). But maybe I could slow down enough to reflect and learn so that if I were to have a next drink, it would be coming from a more intentional place. 

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In Episode 3, called "Why It’s So Hard to Stop Drinking," I shared that I was 31 days alcohol free. It felt like such a huge accomplishment at the time, and gave me hope that maybe it was possible to keep going in my journey to get free from that dependency.

I feel a lot of awe for the me back then. That I was earnestly and humbly going down this unknown road that I knew could end in disappointment.

"From what I understand, it'll take probably at least 6 to 12 months without drinking alcohol for the brain to sort of normalize and detoxify. And I don't know if that means it will look the way that it did before drinking ever occurred in my life. But even if it doesn't, even if it repairs itself some percentage of the way, I feel like that in itself is enough to fight for and to push on with this. Because I don't want to be trapped in that cycle – I don't. And I want to be able to experience genuine joy more often, because that's honestly not something that I've experienced very much of in my life."

In that episode, I shared what I'd learned about the neuroscience of addiction and why it truly is so challenging to escape that vicious cycle of dependency – truly fascinating stuff!

I also shared what other supports helped me stay the course in my reflection of my Season 1 episode on "My Drinking Story" here: "S1 | EP11: Getting to Two Years Alcohol Free." In short, it was a holistic process that included learning the education, challenging my subconscious beliefs about alcohol, continuing the deep trauma-healing work, connecting with a supportive community, and so on.

One thing I want to emphasize here is that if it wasn't for the pandemic – specifically, the lockdown – I doubt I'd have started this journey when I did, or I wouldn't have made it very far. 

"I think if our social lives were status quo when I returned to Canada, it would have been really difficult for me to not give into my triggers and cravings and be alcohol free for more than a few days at a time.

... Because I'm in this very controlled environment by myself and holed up in this condo apartment, immersing myself in the education, I feel that’s been helpful to get to day 31."

In Episode 3, I talked about individuals taking responsibility, because being in that cycle of addiction can harm ourselves and others, but what I failed to hammer home was the responsibility of our leaders to do better in creating the environmental conditions where so many people wouldn't feel the need to resort to abusing substances, or other addictive  

I'm not saying that I'm glad for the pandemic, because it was so deadly and traumatic for many. I am saying that the conditions the lockdown created showed how lacking the supports are during "normal" life for people who want to stop drinking to be able to.

It should  I felt the only way I could get to a month without drinking was to be as removed as possible from socializing with my friends, to ban myself from watching certain TV shows, and to report certain ads on social media so that I wouldn't get triggered ...

Who knows if another opportunity

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Today, I am five-and-a-half years alcohol free.