S2|EP10: Navigating Online Dating and Sex After Lockdown
After emerging from a long, sexually frustrating lockdown, how do we navigate dating and sex? In this episode, we explore the lessons that can be learned from less-than-desirable sexual experiences in discovering new, more authentic ways of enjoying sex.
In this episode, Janice opens up about her experiences online dating during the pandemic and shares about a recent, shitty sexual experience she had that left her feeling disgusted, ashamed, and devalued. Janice discuss how she worked through those difficult feelings (using Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy) and the lessons she's learned since then about how she wants to authentically show up for herself in sexual relationships moving forward.
Note: The term “heteronormative” was used when at least sometimes “heterosexual” was meant – hopefully you get the gist!
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Show notes:
- 00:00:00: A new thing I’m trying for the podcast: raw, unscripted, real life
- 00:01:53: Getting back into dating after lockdown + why talking about sex is so important to me
- 00:05:12: How you can connect with me on social + please leave a review on Apple Podcast to support the pod!: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-souls-work-podcast/id1515042876
- 00:06:35: The way I dated before the pandemic (+ my definition of casual relationships)
- 00:12:27: My first time trying online dating (during the pandemic)
- 00:15:57: My most recent round of online dating: coming out of a long, sexually frustrating period of lockdown
- 00:19:44: The story of my shitty sexual experience (Part 1): Matching with a new guy on Hinge
- 00:22:17: The story of my shitty sexual experience (Part 2): Meeting the new guy for the first time (“He’ll do”)
- 00:25:26: The story of my shitty sexual experience (Part 3): Planning the second date (obviously to hook up) + some safety notes
- 00:30:08: The story of my shitty sexual experience (Part 4): The actual sex (+ the orgasm gap, communicating your needs, slowing things down, when he isn’t sexually experienced, approaching new sexual partners and situations with curiosity)
- 00:45:51: The story of my shitty sexual experience (Part 5): Leaving the situation + the emotional aftermath
- 00:53:45: Using Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy to work through my feelings of shame and low self-worth
- 00:57:13: Lessons learned for going forward with sex: having clarity and transparency, gradually working up to sex, seeing my body as valuable, feeling psychologically/safe even in conversation, learning the language of my body/intuition
- 01:14:15: Unlearning long-standing toxic messages about sex (and power dynamics in heterosexual relationships) and learning new ways of being authentic to you in sex
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- My blog post about Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy: Letting Anger Come Out of the Corner
- Dateable Podcast
- Girls Gotta Eat Podcast
- Esther Perel
Also check out:
- Shan Boodram
- "SILENT SEX QUEEN: Why aren’t we talking about sex more?" (We Can Do Hard Things Podcast with Glennon Doyle)
- “Sexy Qs, Farewell to Faking It & Vouching for Vibrators” (We Can Do Hard Things Podcast with Glennon Doyle)