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Nov. 18, 2021

Navigating Boundaries: The Good, the Confusing, and the Uncomfortable (S2, EP14 | The Soul's Work Podcast)

Navigating Boundaries: The Good, the Confusing, and the Uncomfortable (S2, EP14 | The Soul's Work Podcast)

Everyone’s talking about boundaries these days and how important they are for our Selves and our relationships. But then why do they feel so hard to do, and does setting boundaries mean we have to push people away? We discuss all this and more in this episode on navigating boundaries.

In this episode, Janice shares her personal experiences navigating  boundaries – the good, the confusing, and the uncomfortable. First, she defines what boundaries are (with some real-life examples) and why they’re so important. Then, she shares three big lessons from her not-always-easy journey of navigating boundaries – including tips for identifying our boundaries; learning how to sit in the discomfort of setting boundaries; and working on the deeper, underlying obstacles (e.g., repressed anger and a low sense of self-worth) to practicing boundaries.

CONTENT WARNING: Some mention of childhood trauma. Please see the show notes for where a more detailed description of how trauma can develop in early childhood is shared.

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Show notes:

  • 1:08: Quick Italy trip update
  • 1:50: How to connect with me + leave a rating & review of the podcast here: https://www.thesoulsworkpodcast.com/reviews/new/
  • 2:50: What are boundaries anyway? A definition of boundaries + 6 types of boundaries (with examples from my personal experience)
  • 12:15: Why are practicing boundaries so important?
  • 14:25: My challenges with having porous boundaries + what got me started with exploring how to have healthier boundaries (letting go of a relationship)
  • 20:09: 3 big lessons I’ve learned about practicing boundaries 
  • 20:39: Lesson 1: Identifying what my boundaries are – acknowledging it can be confusing + practical tips
  • 24:27: The importance of distinguishing between a boundary and a wall
  • 28:38: Lesson 2: Why practicing boundaries might feel harder before it feels good
  • 32:05: Lesson 3: Intellectually knowing I “should” set a boundary is not the same thing as FEELING that I should set that boundary
  • 34:19: Why being in touch with our anger is important for setting boundaries
  • 36:08: How a shutdown of anger can happen with developmental trauma (*CONTENT WARNING: Early childhood trauma) 
  • 39:26: How I have reconnected with my repressed anger through Somatic Internal Family Systems therapy
  • 44:20: How the “anxious-attachment style” and a low sense of self-worth can make it harder to set healthy boundaries
  • 47:45: It’s not just about the inner work – who are we in relationship with?
  • 49:36: How to connect with me